So I don’t think it’s much of a secret that I have some serious issues with the typical messages the church sends to moms. I refuse to accept that my entire identity is wrapped up in my children – that my only calling in life is to serve them. I love my kids, I (generally) love taking care of them, but who I am is so much more than them. But it’s hard to question those messages without being accused of being a bad mom. So that’s why I loved Caryn Dahlstrand Rivadeneira’s fantastic new book Mama’s Got a Fake I.D. (WaterBrook Press). Caryn has provided a resource (for moms and dads and well, anyone who has to relate to moms ever…) that helps get past some of those false messages and affirm moms’ true identity in God’s eyes. And she does it with humor and encouragement throughout.
I found myself reflected on the pages of this book. I know I have tried to pass off my fake id – attempting to fit into a one-size-fits-all motherhood mold. Caryn pointed out though the hypocrisy in encouraging my kids to develop as unique individuals while I gave up my identity at the motherhood door. That’s not the sum of who God created me to be, and if I want to truly follow him I need to claim my full identity. Moms shouldn’t feel guilty to be themselves, explore their gifts, and follow Christ. Caryn affirms that it’s okay to be more than a mom, be upset at the stupid ways our culture treats moms, and admit our frustrations as moms. She affirms that we are not alone in dealing with the loneliness and loss of self that plagues the modern American mother. And that people who think that moms have all the free time in the world are just clueless.
But at the same time, this book provides resources in learning how to be content as a mom. This doesn’t involve striving to be someone you are not (including the perfect domestic goddess mother). It doesn’t limit mothers or try to strip them of their God-given talents and identity. But it does involve learning to be grateful for what we have right now – being thankful in all circumstances. But this is a contentment that also doesn’t allow us to be held back by perceived limitations or our own insecurities. But to simply allow ourselves to be affirmed in who we truly are – and extend that affirmation to others. It’s a call to moms to discard our fake ids and to question the expectations placed upon us (often by ourselves). This isn’t about being selfish or self-consumed, but about being real. Being ourselves is just far healthier, more spiritually authentic, and provides a better example for our kids anyway.
So this book is seriously great. And I am excited for it’s potential to help moms throw away those fake ids and the identity crises that motherhood provokes. Many of us need that reminder – or more importantly, that permission – to be who God created us to be. So I highly recommend that you read this book. Moms need to read it for sure – but so do dads, and non-parents, and pastors, and moms group leaders, and everyone else. Until the false identity messages are overcome, moms will have a hard time finding ways to fully serve God. This book can help dismantle those false messages, and give moms the encouragement we so deeply need. So go buy the book – give it to all your friends, pass it out to your playgroup, give it to the church library – it’s a book that needs to be read.
(and btw – the book cover actually isn’t hot pink, it’s a nice shade of red. Just thought I’d mention that for all of you who are like me and hate women’s books that are pink…)