Listening to the message at church this morning was a reminder of the tension the presentation of our beliefs often puts us in. Sometimes in affirming one thing it can appear that one is negating or ignoring other equally important and necessary beliefs. I know I do it all the time – create an either/or scenario when something is really both/and.
So at church Rick led a discussion about serving others. You know the whole first shall be last we are called to humble ourselves and serve thing. I obviously affirm all that, but a comment from someone bothered me a bit. She talked about how in devoting ourselves to others – giving up of ourselves – we are then filled as our cups overflow. The point wasn’t an economic exchange (we give in order to get), but more of an example of how God sustains those that serve. It’s the whole “it’s not about me” message.
I’m all for the whole love your neighbor/serve others thing, but I can’t affirm that such things are necessarily all you need to “fill one’s cup.” I’m a mom with young kids. I serve my kids 24/7, but as much as I love them and would do anything for them I can’t say that doing so is what fills me up. Absolutely and utterly drained is the more common feeling these days. I guess some could say I just have the wrong sort of attitude or am too selfish, but I think there is more that is needed. I can’t do this all the time – I need rest, I need a Sabbath. I need to be the person God created me to be. I need to love myself as well as love my neighbor. It sounds selfish (and it very well can be), but I think it is part of this both/and message that needs to be told. A good number of us do need to be told to get over ourselves and to serve – others though need to be told to care for themselves and rest. Both are needed – neither should be ignored or exalted.
It reminded me of recent conversations I’ve had with Mike on feminist theologians’ conceptions of sin. In traditional conceptions the greatest sin is that of pride. To seek power and prestige is condemned and humility and service encouraged. Yet in feminist and other theologies of the oppressed, the greatest sin becomes allowing oneself to be walked over. One does not love oneself enough to lead. I see the truth there. And how these sins are presented depends both on the audience and the presenter. So it is dissonant for those who have never held or sought power to be told to relinquish it and serve. They are made to feel guilty for sins they have never committed, all the while failing to fulfill their calling in other ways.
The last shall be first and the first shall be last. We must love our neighbors and ourselves. We must be humble servants and leaders. We must serve actively and seek to rest. The tension is there always and it’s hard to present paradox without tipping the balance to one side or the other.