I’ve almost found it amusing recently the amount of “advice” I’ve been given about my relationship with God. It seems that friends and family hear about my recent health problems and our issues selling our house and they assume I must be bitter and angry at God. I’ve been reminded over and over how I just need to trust that God always has my best interests in mind and that I should never question him. Others comment that God promises that life will be difficult so one shouldn’t feel entitled to things going right.
While I agree that bitterness sprung from misguided feelings of entitlement is dangerous, I am disturbed by the underlying assumption present in most of this advice – that one can never question God. This is an assumption that I’ve been taught my whole life. To many, faith simply involves unthinking trust and acceptance of God, the Bible, and the basic vicissitudes of life. To question any of those things is to demonstrate at the very least a weak faith, if not a blasphemous heart. The story of Job was always the standard lesson for this no questioning rule. The reality of Job’s questions was ignored and Job’s choice not to curse God was interpreted as a choice not to question God. The moral of the tale was that we shouldn’t question God either.
So I was intrigued recently as I started reading Peter Rollins’ new book The Fidelity of Betrayal which proposes the necessity of questioning God for the truly faithful. As with Jacob wrestling with the angel, the faith of the Israelites is paradoxical in that “absolute commitment to God involves a deep and sustained wrestling with God” (p.32). The idea is that faith grows not through unthinking submission but through the process of questioning and understanding. And this was something the Israelites felt they could engage in. As Rollins points out, when Abraham pleads with God to save Sodom, Abraham not only felt able to question God, but that God didn’t seem to mind either.
This perspective on questioning presents a different take on our relationship with God. Instead of presenting God as an impersonal master we must submit to and obey, God is presented more as a good teacher. The sort of teacher that not only allows but encourages discussion and debate in the classroom knowing that the best sort of learning occurs when students are able to think through and discover things for themselves. Needless to say, I prefer this perspective. I never enjoyed feeling guilty growing up if I wanted to ask questions. And these days I am understanding that suppressing questions can be just as unhealthy as allowing questions to lead to bitterness. Blind trust and submission feels hollow to me – like I am worshiping an idea instead of a reality. Wrestling with God in some ways makes him more real – more tangible so to speak. I feel more assured in my faith as a result of those struggles.
So to all who are wondering and making assumptions – no I am not feeling bitter. But, yes, I am questioning and hopefully strengthening my faith in the process.