Having just recently entered my 30’s, I’ve experienced church mostly as a young adult. From that limited experience though I’ve discovered that in church, as in life, young adults wish to be treated as what they are – real people. Too often young adults are seen as separate – a demographic to be dealt with instead of embraced. Because of their youth, clothing and musical tastes, and limited giving resources, the church often views them as a necessary but bothersome commodity. Young adults are vital for church survival, so churches fund programs to attract and entertain them while simultaneously hoping to mold them into members that look and act just like everyone else. But treating people as acquisitions and not as real people usually doesn’t work well in the long term.
The church is a gathering of believers and young adults want to truly be part of that community. They want to be respected for who they are, not for what they represent or who they might become. If the church believes that it is one body with many parts (all of which are necessary), then it needs to embrace young adults as young adults. In my experience, this can involve inviting all ages to speak up in discussions – not in perfunctory condescending ways, but in ways that honestly seek their perspectives. Churches can also include young adults on boards and committees, allowing their voice help guide the church. Young adults can serve, not just as physical laborers, but as musicians, readers, and teachers. Integrating young adults into church life is a far more effective sign of welcome than simply tacking on services with guitars and drums here and there.
Yet as young adults become part of the church they should be allowed to be young adults. I served at a church once that opened its choir to high schoolers, but then immediately imposed a new choir dress code obviously meant to keep the students from dressing as themselves. Other churches invite young adults in but then balk at the styles of music they like or condemn them for the hard theological questions they ask. While mentoring young adults into the faith is vital, it shouldn’t suppress their very nature. Instead churches where the old and young believe they can learn from each other represent a better model of a fully functioning body of Christ where all parts are appreciated.
I’ve participated in small traditional churches, large mega-churches, and missional house-churches. I have grown the most though in the settings where I was more than just part of the audience, but was also invited to be a contributing and connected member of the church family. In those settings, my age and culture, although not ignored, mattered less than the fact that I was part of an integrated whole. I’ve heard the same from other young adults – it’s the community that attracts us to gatherings of the church. Programs are useful, but nowhere near as meaningful as respect and love.