I’d heard the buzz within Christians circles about the “number one inspirational film in America.” Everything from “this movie shows what true faith really is” to “this movie will save your marriage.” Always wary of such claims and not really a fan of firefighter flicks, curiosity got the better of me and I headed out to a weekend matinee of Fireproof (www.fireproofthemovie.com).
I settled in to watch the story of a firefighter try to save his failing marriage through something called “the Love Dare”. Unfortunately once the movie began, it was immediately evident that Fireproof followed the pattern of most explicitly Christian movies: the acting was flat, the dialogue awkward, and the scenarios unbelievable. Full of sitcom-esque comic relief moments, and the requisite tear-jerker scenes, it also had more far-fetched set-up lines for evangelistic opportunities than a youth group apologetics manual. But I did my best to look past all that and focus on the main theme of the movie – how to save a troubled marriage. (Spoiler alert: Jesus is the answer.)
What I couldn’t get past, however, was the movie’s conception of marriage itself. Marriage is presented as a distinct entity that must be preserved for its own sake. Thus, as the movie unfolds and Caleb (Kirk Cameron) embarks on a journey to save his marriage to Catherine (Erin Bethea), one doesn’t see a story of two people working together to have a better relationship, but of one person striving to keep a formal structure intact. Of course, once both characters find Jesus, they have an epiphany moment, renew their vows, and live happily ever after (as shown by them getting into their car bibles in hand on their way to church).
What we don’t see is the actual reality of a husband and wife working together to build a stronger bond. Yes, the husband realizes that he needs to do things around the house, stop lusting after a boat and porn, and get over being a selfish jerk; but we hear very little from the wife. In fact we hear very little from women in the movie in general. The prominent women in the movie, Caleb’s wife, his mother, and his mother-in-law, are essentially silenced. He is constantly trying to avoid his nagging mother and asks her to leave or get off the phone repeatedly. His mother-in-law is physically unable to talk due to a stroke. And except for a comic scene displaying every stereotyped difference between men and women where his wife tells her friends how she feels, we hear very little of her side of the story. The women in this movie play the silent victims as the heroic firefighter rushes in to save the day – or in this case, the marriage.
The message conveyed is that women need a strong man to guide their lives. Women who step out on their own (like Catherine getting a job after seven years of marriage – without kids – because her husband won’t help her financially care for her ill parents) are outside that realm of protection (thus in danger of forming inappropriate bonds with their male coworkers). The husband is implored not just to love his wife, but to take control of both his and her lives. In the name of safeguarding the marriage, the sacrifice of the personality and identity of the wife is assumed.
I admit to seeing the appeal of the movie. Anything to get husbands to send flowers and do the dishes is to be commended, but scratch the candy-coating and one sees the imbalanced core. Living up to the hype, Fireproof is very much about saving marriages – as long as they are hierarchical institutions and not mutual relationships based on two whole persons becoming one. Sorry, but as a married woman I’m not willing to sacrifice who I am for the sake of a few clean dishes.