What really stood out to me was the theme of the weekend as represented on the objects placed on each of our tables. Each table had an old object on it (light fixture, shoe, cigar box…) that had been re-purposed to grow plants. So each of these old unexpected objects had new life emerging out of it, and we were asked to meditate on the objects at our table and share what they were saying to us. The thing is, is that when I looked at the objects at my table, I didn’t see life there. There were plants there, but my first thought was that this life isn’t sustainable – these plants could not survive for very long. Flowers clinging to life amidst rocks placed in an old potato ricer or felt hat will soon wither and die. The water will drain out too quickly and there are no nutrients to feed the plant. They looked pretty, even quirky and appealing, but there is no way life could survive in these objects. While others shared about their call to cultivate life in unexpected places or even to follow a call to somewhere they never thought they would go (and in truth the objects at other tables looked far more sustainable), all I could think of was that these representations of life could never survive.

Then in our time of worship, we sang these words – “Why do I stay where it feels safe when you keep calling me to come out?” I realize that I do this all the time. I like to stay where it feels safe – or at least where it feels known and I assume it is safe – but these places don’t always help me grow. They look like pretty places to be planted, but in truth they are not environments that nurture life. The death might be slow, but the environment is hostile nonetheless.

But of course I stay. I feel like I am running if I leave. Or that I am selfish to consider what is healthy for me. Or that I just need to strengthen myself through adversity. Or that relationships are more important than fighting for what I need to survive. The environments might be outright abusive – telling me that as a woman my only worth lies in my service to my husband and kids, telling me that I should not be writing (and therefore teaching men), or telling me that by being intelligent and serving God I must hate God and the Bible and am in need of discipline. Other environments are more subtle – like those who constantly debate around me if as a woman I am created in God’s image or if I am in sin for following God’s call in my life. The look of surprise on someone’s face when I tell them I have served as a pastor or that I’m considering going to seminary. The assumption that I will take care of food and hospitality and not the content at an event. Or even being in a church where the voice of women is never heard no matter how theoretically supportive it is of women in ministry. And I struggle wondering if I am called to be a light and voice into these places or if they are slowly sapping the life out of me?

So Convergence really made me take a step back and ask these hard questions. Am I in a healthy place to cultivate life? Can I grow good things where I am at, or am I just struggling to survive? What direction should I be heading in order to be faithful to the gifts and calling God has given me? I know it’s not really safe to stay somewhere just because it is known if it is not a life-sustaining environment, so I am seeking direction (which is far easier said than done). It’s hard, but I am grateful for the push at Convergence to really work through these questions and start trying to get to a more healthy place.

But the fact remains, if women truly were treated as equals, valued for our contributions, respected for our ideas, and not assumed to be inferior or incapable in any way, then there would not need to be a day to bring attention to the achievements of women. If women commonly weren’t passed over for jobs, paid less for doing the same work as men, mocked for trying to get ahead, and told that they are only worthwhile as nurturers or pleasure-providers then perhaps the reminders of what women are capable of wouldn’t matter. I have of course seen great advances made in women being respected as whole people and have personally witnessed hearts soften as hatred melts away. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t still struggles.

All too often men feel threatened by the idea that women are capable and worthy of respect. To them, treating women as equals implies some sort of competition – taking away their opportunities and challenging their manhood. I’ve had guys tell me that women should be barred from working outside the home because they take jobs away from men who need them. I’ve been told that in suggesting that the specific qualities of a woman would be helpful in a certain job that I am preventing the best person for the job (a man) from getting it. That all women have to offer that men can’t is their victim status, so why bother with women at all. That God would never have allowed patriarchy to exist and men dominate women unless that was the way it was intended to be. Absurd as these arguments are, I still hear them on a regular basis.

I know a lot of this is based on cultural conditioning. Men are taught to define their very worth by their ability to have power over something. To treat women as equals to be respected challenges that conditioning. Unfortunately, the common response to this is not to unlearn those cultural lies, but to lash out against women and reassert power. Men who respect women, champion their achievements, and fight for their inclusion are condemned alongside women as being less than “real men.” It’s hard not to see why we still need a day to be reminded of what women have done and our ability to capably serve society. We know it’s not about competition, having power over others, or declaring a winner. We just wish certain men would get over seeing us as threats and start productively working for a better world together.

This desire on behalf of women is nothing new of course. I found it fascinating to read recently one of the first English feminist pamphlets written by a woman. Rachel Speght was the daughter of a Calvinist minister who later married another Calvinist minister who wasn't afraid to encourage men to a more loving and Christ-like attitude towards women. In 1617, she published under her own name (rare for women in those times) A Mouzell for Melastomus (A Muzzle for the Evil-Mouth) in response to a booklet detailing why all women are corrupt and should be despised by Joseph Swetman (often referred to as “the woman-hater”). In it she implores men to stop showing ingratitude to God by treating the women around them as less than the equal partners God created them to be -

Let men therefore beware of all unthankfulness, but especially of the superlative ingratitude, that which is towards God, which is no way more palpably declared, then by the contemning of, and railing against women, which sin, of some men (if to be termed men) no doubt but God will one day avenge, when they shall plainly perceive, that it had been better for them to have been borne dumb and lame, then to have used their tongs and hands, the one is repugning, the other in writing against Gods handy work, their own flesh, women I mean, whom God hath made equal with themselves in dignity, both temporally and eternally, if they continue in the faith: which God for his mercy sake grant they always may, to the glory of their Creator, and comfort of their own souls, through Christ Amen.

This is my story. It is the world I still encounter and the plea I make every day. I echo the words written nearly 400 years ago asking that men stop mocking God in their treatment of women. We’ve come a long way, but still have a long way to go. This is why I find International Women’s Day important – we still need these reminders and the encouragement that we can do more.

I started the week at a women's book discussion at my church where we are reading through Sue Monk Kidd's Dance of the Dissident Daughter. I love that story of one woman's awakening, and it served as a significant part of my journey in affirming my worth as a woman. Our discussion this week focused on how language is still often used to demean women. When the worst insults in our culture are to call someone a girl, when women are still pressured to have sons, and apologize for birthing daughters, when in business meetings women are ignored, or forced to be and dress like men in order to compete – sexism is alive and well. The constant blows at who we are surround us, and we all lamented that when we point out this stuff we are dismissed as angry bitches. That whole discussion was reflective and theoretical, but then I went out this week and saw it all in play.

A couple weeks ago I signed a letter to the Presidential Selection Committee for my alma mater Wheaton College encouraging them to consider female and minority candidates for the next President of Wheaton. Dr. Duane Litfin is retiring after 17 years of leading the college with an ultra-conservative hand. He was selected to steer the college away from a perceived "liberal" turn in the 1980s. So he brought his dispensational, cessationist, anti-ecumenical and anti-egalitarian views to the college. My former pastor, a friend of his, told me as I headed off to college that Litfin's greatest fear for the college was the growing amount of women entering the biblical studies field. And while I was there, great efforts were taken to promote "Biblical Manhood and Womanhood" and silence the students for biblical equality groups. But now as he is leaving, there is a chance for the college to break those chains and take a stand for women. Yet even proposing that option has met with disdain. Responses to the mere suggestion of considering a woman or minority include - "You have got to be kidding me. Only in academia and government are such bogus voices funded and stroked. I feel specifically called to buy something with a pink ribbon emblem and then go wretch." and "This is silliness. And it's a classic example of what happens when people ignore the Pendulum of Truth" and "I do not think, however, that they should be set on finding a female or minority president. It is very likely that in doing that, they may end up with someone that will lead the school in a very dangerous direction." Along with numerous assertions that the college should hire the most-qualified candidate, implying that a woman or a minority would not fit that bill. Sexism is alive and well.

Then here in Austin a couple of weeks ago, the DJ's of my favorite morning radio show were suspended for using offensive language. The British radio host had used a phrase that sounded like a racial slur, and they laughed about the awkwardness of what her phrase sounded like. They were suspended without pay for a couple of weeks and forced to take cultural sensitivity classes. Since returning they have been very careful not to really say anything about other races, even stopping themselves in the middle of stories. But the use of women as insults has continued in full force. They constantly compare people to girls to show how weak and pathetic they are. They use references to women's anatomy to insult people – especially the ever-popular term "douchebag." Lesson learned – we have to be sensitive to other races but women are scum to be used however we like.

Similar lesson from this whole recent controvery about the Deadly Viper book. In the promo for the book about men's intigrity published by Zondervan, the authors made use of Asian cultural references in really inappropriate and insensitive ways. It was obviously offensive, and a number of us in the Christian community pointed out that offense and asked for an apology. I fully affirm that an apology was needed to my Asian brothers and sisters, and the Christian community in general. At the same time, I was disturbed that many of the people calling for an apology were saying stuff like "I think the content of the book is great, I just have problems with the culturally insensitive packaging." I think they were saying that to be nice and build bridges, but in all truth the curriculum is full of sexist stereotypes that use women as insults. The authors even have a video on their website promoting their Mancave series that is simply a series of gender stereotypes where manly=good and girly=bad. I applaud the efforts to stand up to insensitive racial stereotypes in the church, but wish people hadn't affirmed gender stereotypes in the process. And I really wonder if that same group of people would put forth the effort to take a stand for treating women in the church with respect just like they asked for Asians in the church to be treated with respect. I want to believe they would, but far too often I see sexism protected by the shield of "theology" in ways that racism can never be in our modern world.

Sexism is alive and well. This week has just been a reminder of how far we have to go until women are respected as fully human and not demeaned for the sake of entertainment.

In the lead-up to the conference I was part of numerous discussions regarding the need to give the stage so deliberately to a group of women. I get the desire to be at a point in the conversation where women's voices don't have to be highlighted but are just a normal part of things. Or to be at a place of if there is a Christian conference where the main speakers are women people don't assume that it's a women's conference. I'd love that, but we aren't there yet. I think C21 moved us forward in that direction, but women's voices had to be highlighted this time in order for that to happen. And I love that men who typically speak at these sorts of conferences came instead to serve at this one – doing all the behind the scenes stuff that we women often end up doing. Jay Bakker, Shane Claiborne, Spencer Burke, Mark Scandrette, and Gareth Higgins came to serve and help out. And as Doug Pagitt joked, to see the end of their careers as the privileged ones given the microphone at these sorts of events. Bono is right – women are the future and after this conference there can be no excuse for not inviting women to lead sessions at conferences because gifted intelligent women are out there. (and as a total aside the money quote from the weekend came from Shane Claiborne. I was talking to him about how he had "killed" my husband in a game of assassin as Wheaton College and he said "I love Assassin, I have to get my violent tendencies out somehow!" Awesome.)

The conference itself was intense. There was little down-time, little interaction or workshop time, just rapid-fire hearing from the presenters on what they see as important things to consider for faith in the 21st century. Granted, this wasn't back to back lecture after lecture. There were some lectures of course, but there was also the telling of stories, short dramas, spoken-word poetry, musical pieces, times of prayer and reflection, conversations on stage, and a fast-paced group presentation pairing reflections with visual images. And as one of those presenters – let me just say that 21 minutes is a really really short time to try to do anything (especially when it is further broken apart into even shorter segments). Hearing a new idea every 21 (or 7 or 5) minutes is intense. With no time for interaction or question, jumping from one idea to another hardly gives one time to wrap ones mind around any given idea. So I am having a hard time summarizing what any one person talked about. I know Sybil MacBath did her thing about praying in color, Alise Barrymore did an amazing poetic speech about growing down. Seth Donovan pushed us to let people show up at church decompartmentalized from our identities and labels. Phyllis Tickle and Nadia Bolz-Weber chatted about the future of the church. Lauren Winner gave a killer list about what Christianity will be known for by the end of the 21st century. And Debbie Blue talked about roadkill and Jesus having an anus (it was beautiful, seriously). I remember the moments and that it was beautiful. And for all the controversy leading up to the event, this was one of the most Christ-centered, Bible and church affirming gathering I have been a part of in a long time.

As with most emerging conferences, one of the best parts was just being able to connect with people. I loved meeting friends from the Emerging Women blog and sitting down for drinks with someone I used to argue with all the time at The Ooze some seven years ago. I loved hearing people's stories and what brought them to the conversation. I even got to spend the plane ride home continuing the conversation with new friends. I was blessed to learn from the Queermergent folks (and I totally apologize again for ditching so early, I was so falling asleep on the couch…). I enjoyed making new friends and getting to reconnect with old members of my tribe.

And I'm sure my rambling here makes sense only in my head, but I just need to get my thoughts out (as discombobulated as they are). But I do know that something significant happened this past weekend. And I was blessed to be a part of it.

Other people who are sharing about the experience -

Christina Whitehouse-Suggs on Drunk on the Wine of New Love

Danielle Shoyer gives a recap

Imago's blog's reflections

Tony Jones looks back at the event.

Seth Donovan talks about starting in a new place.

Pam Heatley compared C21 to a tropical vacation

Shula at Sensuous Wife blogs her reaction to the event.

Don Heatley has created an amazing highlight video from the event that really helps capture some of the themes that emerged there.

For more fantastic pictures from the event, visit Courtney Perry's Christianity 21 photostream (the pictures here are hers, excepting the panorama which is Jake Bouma's )

and if you want to witness for yourself the amazing live sketching Paul Soupiset did at the event, watch them here, here, here and here

Oh, and I'm super excited about the new publishing house, Sparkhouse, which launched recently. They created a video at C21 about sparking new life into faith communities, it's pretty neat (I'm the space-y one in it).

Besides a well needed redesign, this change was prompted by the need to move away from a membership style blog. We had simply grown too big for that format to continue to work for us. From now on we will be accepting submission for posting, but will attempt to remain as open source as possible. We also hope to serve as a resource connecting people in the emerging conversation to the voices of the women in its midst – so check out the community page!

I look forward to continuing to explore the emerging church conversation with others who care about the distinct voice and concerns of women at the blog. I encourage everyone to drop by and comment on what you would like to see as we move forward with this new site.

If you haven't gathered it by now, I'm not a huge fan of hierarchical leadership (even when it's not based on gender). I prefer flat networked structures that allow for input from all. And in truth, it's less about equality or sameness and more about simply respecting people as people. Letting voices be heard and appreciating contributions for what they are.

So on one level, I appreciate that fact that Emergent Village is transitioning to a more decentralized structure. While some may be heralding Tony Jones stepping down as National Coordinator to symbolize the dismantling of Emergent, it was meant as an opportunity to allow a wider variety of people to step up into leadership positions (as the amusing series of I Am The Emergent National Coordinator videos demonstrates). And as Tony mentioned on his blog yesterday, "Any time you can dethrone an overeducated, loud, brash, white man,people just feel more openness for their own voice to be heard." It's all about reducing hierarchy and opening up the conversation.

But will it work? In brief discussions with other women leaders in the emerging movement, I've heard the question raised if the lack of a central leader will actually help women become more involved in the conversation. Many post-evangelical women still struggle to jump into the conversation, much less assert themselves as leaders. For good or bad, they still seek invitations to come alongside and be a part of the in-group. With no one to officially offer that invitation, the question remains if the women will step up or just remain on the sidelines peeking in. I honestly have no idea. It would be easy to say that women just need to get over it and assert themselves, but that would stray into dangerous psychological territory and miss the point. I don't want to need a man's permission to do anything, but an invitation (from someone) is still what many women are looking for.

So I'm curious to see how the decentralization of power affects the presence of women in Emergent. I'd of course like to see a vibrant representation of women in Emergent leadership. I'm encouraged to hear from some that at The Great Emergence event men at times seemed like the token voice. But to the best of my knowledge, I haven't seen any women making national coordinator videos. That's not a criticism, just an expression of curiosity of where this will lead. I hope the speculation of other emerging women will be wrong and we will see an increase of women's voices in Emergent. But at the same time be proactively aware that the opposite could just as easily occur.

Tags: Emergent Village, Tony Jones, Emerging Women, emerging church, National Coordinator, leadership

These questions reminded me of the recent discussion we had over at the Emerging Women blog regarding the benefits blogging has brought to marginalized voices. In the church world where the voices of white men predominate (or are at least perceived to do so), blogs have provided women and others on the margins with the opportunity to have a voice. So I find it interesting that it is generally white males in positions of power who don't allow comments on their blogs or who complain (on their blog) about too many voices out there blogging. Why? Some dislike the open source nature of blog discussion preferring instead good old traditional authority. Others think there are too many voices out there for conversation to be meaningful and therefore blogging should be restricted (to those with authority perhaps?). Others don't like giving the "uneducated" or "unsupervised" the opportunity to have a voice. And perhaps some just want theirs to be the only voice that gets heard.

I admit, there can be issues with blogs. I've encountered the crazies out there (blogrush is such great entertainment – did you know that aliens will aid Jesus in his second coming by bringing him to Roswell??), I see the dangers of posting pictures of yourself partying in Cancun that any potential employer can google, and I've stuck my foot in my mouth on a few too many occasions – but I still support the freedoms it brings. I like that blogging helps me to examine my world and think critically about ideas I encounter. I like that I get pushed to justify my opinions (not that I always succeed at doing so). I like that as a mom who is often confined to the house I can have adult conversations and maintain friendships with people around the world. I like that women are breaking free from the lies the church has told them and realizing that yes, they can do theology and have a voice in these sorts of discussions. Without the blog many post-evangelical women would be left with no one to talk to, no one to encourage them, and no way to move forward in their faith. So for a man who has never experienced the same confines and dismissal as these women to say that our blogs are just noise that need to go away in order for the important voices to be better heard really irks me (even though I know that most of the men making such statements are not necessarily directing them at women).

I'm all for the conversation. I want to learn from others and I want to question, challenge, and clarify what I read online. To me, such interaction is the trademark of a good discussion, a good educational setting, or a good church not to mention a good blog. I find it frustrating these days to listen to a sermon or read a book and not be able to push deeper by questioning it. I recall the most frustrating classes in college were the ones where the profs refused to respond to questions – instead saying meaningless things like "that's a good question" and continue on with their lecture. I didn't want more notes to take, I wanted to engage with what I was learning. Blogs have provided me with that opportunity to continue learning by engaging my world. Sure I enjoy "real-life" conversations, but once a month or so is far too infrequent and I don't have the babysitting funds for much more (and don't even get me started on the local Feminist Thought Club I tried to join which ended up being a bunch of college guys trying to pick up women…). I need more than that.  So I am grateful for blogs and for the discussion they should support. I am not afraid of the hard questions nor do I think the "simple questions" are just creating noise. The opportunity to read and engage daily with others is needed at this stage in my life. For me, it's what helps me grow.

Tags: Blogging, Emerging Church, women, christianity

I found a quote in the interview with Brian McLaren to be helpful in summarizing this diversity in the conversation -

There's so much going on, and people are at all different places. I mean, I started asking certain questions fifteen years ago, and one question led to another and another, and here I am now. other people are just asking the first set of questions, or they're asking the questions in a different order. But what all of us have in common, I think, is this sense that we're trying to be faithful to God in the aftermath of modernity and colonialism and all that they entail. (p. 51)

So as the conversation is explored in this book we hear from voices like Phyllis Tickle, Jonny Baker, Shane Claiborne, Diana Butler Bass, Tony Jones, Ian Mobsby, and Nadia Bolz-Weber on topics such as the state of the church, the Gospel of the Kingdom, Christian community, and worship practices. Many of those interviews hold tight to particular church traditions as they attempt to understand the church in this day and age. Others seek to question existing structures or to examine our very conception of church itself. In their responses one sees a mix of theology and practice as well as a deep commitment to serving God in whatever way they can. Rethinking church for them is not about being new or different, but about being faithful and committed followers.

I find this book to be a necessary offering at this stage in the conversation as it serves to highlight the diversity of voices present therein. It is a needed reminder that around the world and across denominations the conversations do not look the same although they may have common elements. I hope this book can help raise that awareness and heighten the appreciation of those who are coming at this conversation differently from us (whoever "us" may be). Not everyone is rethinking church in the same way and there is much to be learned from each other. I recommend this book as a great resource and glimpse into the currents moving the church today. It is helpful to know where we are headed and prudent to understand the passions and rationale of others during these times.

Tags: Becky Garrison, Rising from the Ashes, Emerging church, Brian McLaren

Clearly, this is a blog of people moving down the train tracks of apostasy. Once you’ve removed the scriptural authority the gates are blown wide open for every kind of error to flood in.
Down those tracks, deeper and deeper, we go where in we find (strap in and hang on folks) the Onehandclapping blog. This can be a very frightening place, if you don’t have experience in radical liberal theology. The writer describes herself as: (read my blog profile)

As an aside it’s sad to see Wheaton’s fallen so far as to produce a person like this. A quick perusal of her blog makes it clear. She is a radical liberal femi-nazi. No concern for God or the scriptures will be found here. She’s far to concerned with spreading a feminist agenda, babbling nonsense about social justice, eating ethically, and buying a “just” bra. Most importantly she holds a special contempt for the scriptures and their authority.
Gotta admit I had fun writing this. Let’s finish with a flourish of quotes from Priestess Clawson: (recent quotes from my posts).

Wow – Priestess. Now that's just too fun. But honestly this serves as the perfect example of the fear I see around us these days. The fear that criticizes a group of women for reading a book that some disagree with (because reading something one disagrees with could be dangerous). And to utterly reject any form whatsoever of social justice and environmentalism – I just don't get it anymore. I understand tempered limited forms of caring for people and caring for God's creation, but to reject and mock them entirely? What sort of theology encourages that? This message of fear and hatred is wrapped in Christian language and baptised by Christian theology. This my friends is the church. And people still ask why we emergents think things need to change…