Also, hope you guys are doing well!

I still defer to those older than myself. I am polite to women. I assume I have nothing to offer unless I am asked to offer something. Heh. What a great white man I am. Ah well. Chicago has definitely challenged these assumptions and pressured me to change. I am more forthright than I ever anticipated though I am often told by kind-hearted residents (and my southern wife) to stick up for myself.

I am sure there are plenty of reasons for this that stem from yet go beyond simple accent and grammar. Language is a symbol for a people…and a person.

I grew up in Texas, too. However, after a decade in the Theatre, doing every accent except my own, it gradually faded into a neutral drawl that only Texificates when tired or drinking red wine.

Texans are a peculiar people…well, Southerners in this regard. We understand the relationship between words and power and yet we are guided by over-riding issues of pride and respect. The way to protect the power of the person you are speaking to in a manner that does not in any way insult their pride is to say what you need to say without saying it. Texans carry guns in their cars! Why risk pissing one of us off?

As Mike commented, “it’s tiring/demoralizing.” I’ve heard this from many foreigners (those to whom Lyle Lovett sings, “that’s right, you’re not from Texas”) ; ). It is a tiring way to construct language, but it’s beautiful, too. It’s thoughtful and considerate. It’s not direct, and in this stage of culturally counseled communication, it doesn’t promote self-empowerment. The south is very hospitable (in general) for this reason. We communicate a value for humility, even if it’s not a real one. We go around issues, rather than through them. When too much gets swept under the rug…we buy bigger rugs.

I find this characteristic immensely helpful in intergenerational ministry. The important thing in navigating different cultural/age specific demographics is knowing when to turn it on/off. It hasn’t been all that helpful being married to a Californian. I say, “I told you that!” and she says, “you said everything except that.” Oh.

All this say…I don’t think it’s a feminism thing, or anything particular to any ism — especially since the time I grew up in, Texas culture was dominantly matriarchal. We still talk about the ‘matriarch’ of the family. It’s not a Christian thing, although respecting a person is in no way contrary to following Jesus. It’s patently cultural. It’s wonderful and tiring. Caring and obtuse. Considerate and contradictory. But it is what it is. Peace, ya’ll!

Saying something like “you might should bring your apple pie to the potluck” ensures that anyone could politely refuse since it isn’t a direct imperative.

I have nothing insightful to say about your post, but just wanted to say that I’ve never heard the double modal before, but it sounds awesome.

I can’t answer your main questions, Julie, except backwards. Growing up in New England I learned to be very straightforward and find life as a woman in the south (Virginia) to be somewhat confusing. When someone says (as in your example) “y’all might want to wipe your feet” that says to me that I have a choice in the matter at hand and so sometimes I choose not to and make an embarrassing faux pas. Although I would obviously always choose to wipe my feet at the door, in other instances, the issue has not been as clear and I’ve been left hanging. I much prefer the northern custom which might sound like this, “Would you mind wiping your feet when you come in, please?” There’s no direct imperative there either, but little is left to the imagination of the hearer. One knows what is expected in the home of one’s hosts. The “you” can be singular or plural.

I have this same issue sometimes. As a Midwesterner, I come from a family that is fairly direct. We say what we mean and mean what we say, and if we want you to do something, we’ll just tell you. I like that approach. It fits my personality. Down here in Texas though, and especially with Julie’s Texan family, I’m never quite sure what kind of unspoken things are going on that I’m just not picking up on, and who I’m offending through my cluelessness. It’s very tiring/demoralizing.

As for accents, while yes, even Midwesterners have accents (and all the more so the further north you go), from a linguistics perspective, there is such a thing as “Standard English”. That doesn’t means it’s the “correct” form of English, just that it’s what most national newscasters and the like are generally expected to speak. (Notice how you rarely hear an anchor on CNN with a Southern accent – or a Minnesota one for that matter?) As a regional dialect however, Standard English is really only natively spoken somewhere around Columbus, Ohio.

I can’t answer your main questions, Julie, except backwards. Growing up in New England I learned to be very straightforward and find life as a woman in the south (Virginia) to be somewhat confusing. When someone says (as in your example) “y’all might want to wipe your feet” that says to me that I have a choice in the matter at hand and so sometimes I choose not to and make an embarrassing faux pas. Although I would obviously always choose to wipe my feet at the door, in other instances, the issue has not been as clear and I’ve been left hanging. I much prefer the northern custom which might sound like this, “Would you mind wiping your feet when you come in, please?” There’s no direct imperative there either, but little is left to the imagination of the hearer. One knows what is expected in the home of one’s hosts. The “you” can be singular or plural.

Then again, as I write this I wonder. I just read somewhere (that I can’t remember) this quote, “If you live alone, who’s feet will you wash?” And it occurs to me that acts of humble service are a gift to be given. They cannot be required else they are rendered servitude which is injust. When they are cheerfully given away as a gift, an act of love from the heart of the giver, then the status of the giver recedes into background. If it’s required then it’s no longer a gift. We cannot require people to give that which they do not have. But if they have been bouyed sufficiently by acts of love and charity from the community around them, then they will begin to give out of that wealth.

So its a strange dilemma. I want to respect others, and consider others better than myself in light of biblical humility. But, I don’t want to do so because I am a woman and therefore must place the needs of others, especially men, before mine.

This is a frequent question in feminist, womanist, and liberationist theology – how to follow the biblical call to humility and giving of oneself, without reinforcing patterns of domination and oppression. For instance, it’s one thing to tell a powerful white male that his #1 sin is pride and that he needs to relinquish power and serve others. It’s quite another thing to tell a poor, oppressed minority person that they they need to just ignore their own needs and rights and serve others, even when this means being continually exploited and abused.