Gender, Language, and the South
I’m a Texas girl – born and raised here. And although I spent 12 years living on the OTHER side of both the Mississippi and the Mason-Dixon line, it’s hard to escape that upbringing.
The unfortunate part of being a Southerner living in the Midwest was that most Midwesterners liked to pretend they have no regional dialect or accent and so can therefore make fun of those of us that did. I endured 12 years of being made fun of for saying “y’all” and for merging my vowels in “pin/pen.” The worst was my supervising teacher for my ESL teaching practicum. She would stop my lessons to make fun of me in front of my students and failed me for my incompetency in speaking the English language. Thankfully my professor didn’t think having a Southern as opposed to a Chicago accent was sufficient reason to fail me (actually, she thought it was really dumb and said no students would ever be assigned to that particular teacher again…). But in all truth there are aspects of Southern speech patterns that I struggle with. Not that I’m some grammarnazi who thinks regional dialects are somehow substandard forms of English, but that these language constructions are rooted in a cultural ethos, or way of being, that I don’t know if I want to affirm.
Some might call it cultural politeness or tentativeness. Others an ingrained attitude of submission, subservience, and deference. In short, it is constructions of language that seek to lessen any offense or imperative and that keeps the needs and feelings of the other in mind. For example – using y’all to refer to one person. Saying to the friend entering your house, “y’all might want to wipe your feet,” isn’t a grammatical mistake, but a way to soften the request. Making the request plural makes it less of a direct order and puts less pressure on the person. Same thing with the double modal, which is probably the most ridiculed part of Southern English. Saying something like “you might should bring your apple pie to the potluck” ensures that anyone could politely refuse since it isn’t a direct imperative. Or to say “I might could go out with you this weekend,” is a polite response without having to offer a commitment or direct (hurtful) refusal. The double modal lessens the severity of the request or refusal, always keeping in mind the feelings, preferences, and social position of the other.
Now on one hand, choosing to care about other’s needs is a good thing. Basic humility, loving others, all that. Knowing how one’s words affect others is a beneficial thing to be aware of that can do great kindness to others. The issue arises in that the people who make use of these aspects of Southern English are almost exclusively African Americans and white women. It is cultural habit to use even patterns of speech to place themselves below others. That’s what I have a problem with. Even if we are unaware of doing it, the habits reinforce the degrading and demeaning aspects of racism and sexism.
So its a strange dilemma. I want to respect others, and consider others better than myself in light of biblical humility. But, I don’t want to do so because I am a woman and therefore must place the needs of others, especially men, before mine. It’s hard and something I struggle with. I’ve been indoctrinated that good Christian Southern girls DO NOT assert their preferences on anything – they always wait to hear what others want first. I know it’s stupid, but it’s hard to get past cultural conditioning. And its hard to fight something as pervasive as language.
So I wonder what others do. Are any readers here from Southern, or Germanic, or Asian cultures where this deference, or “one-down” sort of language is common? Does it fall along similar race or gender lines? How do you navigate the issues?
julieclawson(at)gmail(dot)com 
This is a frequent question in feminist, womanist, and liberationist theology – how to follow the biblical call to humility and giving of oneself, without reinforcing patterns of domination and oppression. For instance, it’s one thing to tell a powerful white male that his #1 sin is pride and that he needs to relinquish power and serve others. It’s quite another thing to tell a poor, oppressed minority person that they they need to just ignore their own needs and rights and serve others, even when this means being continually exploited and abused.
“most Midwesterners liked to pretend they have no regional dialect or accent and so can therefore make fun of those of us that did” I just returned from a Michigan Polka Festival (I’m from TN). There was a Catholic Mass with a Polka band doing the music, even the prayers of the people and the psalm were in Polish! The part that made us chuckle a little was during the creed when the assemble said: Gad from Gad, true Gad from true Gad. Nothing like that nasal Michigan accent, which flucuates lower the more north you get all the way through Canada.
I always get a chuckle when I hear Midwesterners say they don’t have an accent. Hogwash. I’m from New England (the only true American accent – said with my fingers crossed and a wink), and I can hear midwest from Syracuse, NY on.
I can’t answer your main questions, Julie, except backwards. Growing up in New England I learned to be very straightforward and find life as a woman in the south (Virginia) to be somewhat confusing. When someone says (as in your example) “y’all might want to wipe your feet” that says to me that I have a choice in the matter at hand and so sometimes I choose not to and make an embarrassing faux pas. Although I would obviously always choose to wipe my feet at the door, in other instances, the issue has not been as clear and I’ve been left hanging. I much prefer the northern custom which might sound like this, “Would you mind wiping your feet when you come in, please?” There’s no direct imperative there either, but little is left to the imagination of the hearer. One knows what is expected in the home of one’s hosts. The “you” can be singular or plural.
Then again, as I write this I wonder. I just read somewhere (that I can’t remember) this quote, “If you live alone, who’s feet will you wash?” And it occurs to me that acts of humble service are a gift to be given. They cannot be required else they are rendered servitude which is injust. When they are cheerfully given away as a gift, an act of love from the heart of the giver, then the status of the giver recedes into background. If it’s required then it’s no longer a gift. We cannot require people to give that which they do not have. But if they have been bouyed sufficiently by acts of love and charity from the community around them, then they will begin to give out of that wealth.
I have this same issue sometimes. As a Midwesterner, I come from a family that is fairly direct. We say what we mean and mean what we say, and if we want you to do something, we’ll just tell you. I like that approach. It fits my personality. Down here in Texas though, and especially with Julie’s Texan family, I’m never quite sure what kind of unspoken things are going on that I’m just not picking up on, and who I’m offending through my cluelessness. It’s very tiring/demoralizing.
As for accents, while yes, even Midwesterners have accents (and all the more so the further north you go), from a linguistics perspective, there is such a thing as “Standard English”. That doesn’t means it’s the “correct” form of English, just that it’s what most national newscasters and the like are generally expected to speak. (Notice how you rarely hear an anchor on CNN with a Southern accent – or a Minnesota one for that matter?) As a regional dialect however, Standard English is really only natively spoken somewhere around Columbus, Ohio.
I have nothing insightful to say about your post, but just wanted to say that I’ve never heard the double modal before, but it sounds awesome.
There’s a great little book called “A Touch of Wonder” by Arthur Gordon. It’s a collection of stories in which he addresses these issues (that are specific to the South) in a number of wonderful ways.
I grew up in Texas, too. However, after a decade in the Theatre, doing every accent except my own, it gradually faded into a neutral drawl that only Texificates when tired or drinking red wine.
Texans are a peculiar people…well, Southerners in this regard. We understand the relationship between words and power and yet we are guided by over-riding issues of pride and respect. The way to protect the power of the person you are speaking to in a manner that does not in any way insult their pride is to say what you need to say without saying it. Texans carry guns in their cars! Why risk pissing one of us off?
As Mike commented, “it’s tiring/demoralizing.” I’ve heard this from many foreigners (those to whom Lyle Lovett sings, “that’s right, you’re not from Texas”) ; ). It is a tiring way to construct language, but it’s beautiful, too. It’s thoughtful and considerate. It’s not direct, and in this stage of culturally counseled communication, it doesn’t promote self-empowerment. The south is very hospitable (in general) for this reason. We communicate a value for humility, even if it’s not a real one. We go around issues, rather than through them. When too much gets swept under the rug…we buy bigger rugs.
I find this characteristic immensely helpful in intergenerational ministry. The important thing in navigating different cultural/age specific demographics is knowing when to turn it on/off. It hasn’t been all that helpful being married to a Californian. I say, “I told you that!” and she says, “you said everything except that.” Oh.
All this say…I don’t think it’s a feminism thing, or anything particular to any ism — especially since the time I grew up in, Texas culture was dominantly matriarchal. We still talk about the ‘matriarch’ of the family. It’s not a Christian thing, although respecting a person is in no way contrary to following Jesus. It’s patently cultural. It’s wonderful and tiring. Caring and obtuse. Considerate and contradictory. But it is what it is. Peace, ya’ll!
I’m from rural Virginia. The same rules apply…for men or women. The imperative is rude…or arrogant. Sexism, racism etc are real issues and the inherent politeness in the slow drawl can evaporate when these lines come into play, I think you are on to something true.
I still defer to those older than myself. I am polite to women. I assume I have nothing to offer unless I am asked to offer something. Heh. What a great white man I am. Ah well. Chicago has definitely challenged these assumptions and pressured me to change. I am more forthright than I ever anticipated though I am often told by kind-hearted residents (and my southern wife) to stick up for myself.
I am sure there are plenty of reasons for this that stem from yet go beyond simple accent and grammar. Language is a symbol for a people…and a person.
Julie, I’m just reading this post now, and find it *so* interesting. I would love to hear more about your thoughts on language if other things come up.
Also, hope you guys are doing well!