Heck, just watching him as he more or less recovered from it would have done that.

Add to that the fact that many wars are questionable to begin with (I’m sorry but soldiers who died in Iraq or vietmam are not taking bullets for my freedom).

That's a really good point to remember. The idea of being willing to sacrifice one's life to defend others or defend the freedom of one's country may be an honorable thing that should be remembered with gratitude. However, that does not mean that every war that we've sent our troops into was actually for those purposes. Personally I think "supporting our troops" should mean more than just putting them on some pedestal as heroes. It should also include helping them heal from the scars inflicted on them by the unnecessary wars our leaders have forced them to fight.

I know I'm probably just repeating my previous post but I guess I just found a slightly different way of wording it
I do think a time for the remembering and honouring of the war dead has a very valid place– although of course every holiday has different meanings and functions for different people, and it will be a necessary and deeply resonant ritual for some, others would prefer to focus on gathering family and friends for the holiday and creating new memories.

I don't think, as I said, that remembering those who died in battle need be about "preserving the memory of a fight to destroy those who are now are now our friends"– that's what should change. I can remember how my countrymen of a previous generation died fighting the Japanese or the Nazis, without any lingering hatred or sense of 'them' vs 'us' for Germany or Japan today– I understand it was a very different time, a very different kind of government that was in power. My remembering them is no indictment of the Japanese or Germans, but particular institutions that existed in those countries *at the time*. I think we can forgive and move on, but that does not mean forgetting or whitewashing the past or not acknowledging what happened– but looking at it through eyes free of blame or hatred for those who represent the other side. War, however necessary, whoever started it, whichever way you cut it is a tragedy, for everyone– and as each country remembers their own war dead, we are all ultimately less different than we are the same. Although the narratives might be different, all of us are remembering someone's son, someone's father or brother, all who in one way or another was caught up in a convoluted web of violence, madness and death, one that we all still struggle to make sense of. We can reflect both with quiet gratitude– and grief– and hope that we might give our generation the chance they never had.

Seriously, though, few people realize that the effects of the Civil War still linger down here – economically and culturally. I've heard someone say that Southerners are the only Americans to descend from a generation that knows what it's like to lose a war at home, that no other American demographic has faced that kind of humiliation. (Obviously they forgot about the Native Americans…but I understand the point.)

In some ways, I think Memorial Day is a reminder that there are no real winners in war. Everybody loses.

…So why are we breaking out the hot dogs and slicing up the watermelon? Maybe so we don't have to think about it.