As we prepare to take a day off work and grill obscene amounts of meat in our backyards, it is interesting to reflect on the original intent of Memorial Day. It began as a day to honor fallen Union soldiers after the Civil War and was later expanded to honor all American casualties of war. From the inaugural description of the day –
The 30th day of May, 1868, is designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village, and hamlet churchyard in the land. In this observance no form or ceremony is prescribed, but Posts and comrades will, in their own way, arrange such fitting services and testimonials of respect as circumstances may permit.
We are organized, Comrades, as our regulations tell us, for the purpose among other things, “of preserving and strengthening those kind and fraternal feelings which have bound together the soldiers sailors and Marines, who united to suppress the late rebellion.” What can aid more to assure this result than by cherishing tenderly the memory of our heroic dead? We should guard their graves with sacred vigilance. All that the consecrated wealth and taste of the nation can add to their adornment and security, is but a fitting tribute to the memory of her slain defenders. Let pleasant paths invite the coming and going of reverent visitors and fond mourners. Let no neglect, no ravages of time, testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a people the cost of a free and undivided republic.
As I read that description, I couldn’t help but reflect on the slight dissonance it recalled in me. For better or worse, I grew up in the South. While I was taught that slavery was wrong, there was an underlying sympathy for the South in the way that era of history was taught in schools. It wasn’t uncommon for the Civil War to be referred to as The War of Northern Aggression. History taught from the “other” perspective – in this case from the still slightly bitter losers – doesn’t always feel the same as that presented by the winners. So even now as I read the words telling me to honor those “who united to suppress the late rebellion” and died to preserve a “free and undivided republic,” I feel a twinge of dissonance. My cultural heritage, even if I don’t agree with it, was on the side of the rebellion. I am, in a small way, part of the “them” in this “us verses them” scenario. It just makes it a bit weird to remember and celebrate the sacrifices of the “other side.”
That dissonance was made even more real when I began to encounter other cultures that the United States has fought against. I remember being in some small country town in Germany and seeing a WW2 memorial. It took me a minute to realize that this was a memorial to the Nazis, the guys my country (my grandfather) killed. But they were sons and husbands sacrificed by this small town as well. Similar thing happened in grad school. I was out to lunch with a classmate from the Ukraine and we were sharing stories from our childhood about the Cold War. We each were fed propaganda about each other’s country and we had to do duck and cover drills in school. It was quite strange sitting in a Panara Bread in suburban Wheaton discussing how we would hide under our desks out of fear of each other. I saw the other side of the story and that those I had cast (or had been taught to cast) as “THEM” weren’t really that different than me. And while I admit to the evils of both WW2 and the Cold War, knowing the people on the other side makes it hard to celebrate those who died to protect me from them.
So as we are meant to keep the memory of the heroic dead on this day, I have to wonder if the “wealth and taste of the nation” might have some better use than preserving the memory of a fight to destroy those who are now our friends? Perhaps we could be building bridges, visiting country villages, and sharing meals with those we currently cast in the role of enemy. Perhaps instead of simple remembering those we lost in grievances of the past we can work to prevent the grievances of the present and future.
Or we could just relax, eat a hamburger, drink a beer and let the day pass unreflected upon (which in all truth are my plans for the day). But maybe it’s a good thing that community building has replaced the honoring of the dead as the main purpose of the day.