Breastfeeding – Sexual or Natural?
To be perfectly honest, a majority of my time these days is spent nursing Aidan. He’s three months and huge (and I think just beginning to crawl) – basically because he does nothing but eat and then eat some more. So breastfeeding is by default on my mind these days, but it has also recently caught the attention of the media yet once again.
A few years ago breastfeeding made major headlines when Mothering Magazine was pulled from various store shelves for featuring a breastfeeding baby on the cover. As I recall the general response I heard (mostly from Christians online) was that the cover was inappropriate – potentially causing men to stumble. The response revealed the assumption that breasts are solely sexual (as opposed to maternal and nurturing) – an assumption deeply ingrained in our culture. Well in the recent Sept/Oct issue of Mothering Magazine Professor Sarah Rubenstein-Gillis’ article “Reel Milk” explored the depiction of breastfeeding in popular films and what that has to say about our culture. And the article has once again caused quite a stir as the media is forced to examine its assumptions and objectifications of women.
Despite being recommended by the WHO, CCD, and AAP and the way God created women to feed their children, breastfeeding is still difficult for women in America. From hospital nurses insisting on feeding newborns formula, to lack of pumping time at work it is an uphill battle that many American women abandon after just a few weeks. So as the article explored, cultural conceptions and presentations of breastfeeding can affect maternal habits. As the author writes -
while it seems unlikely that the way infant feeding is depicted in any given film would, by itself, make or break a viewer’s resolve to breastfeed her child, each portrayal becomes part of a cumulative set of images and perspectives gathered over a lifetime that, consciously or not, can influence the way a person thinks and feels about the subject. If specific messages are repeated often and strongly enough, they can begin to seem like “the norm” – and norms, as most sociologists would argue, often dictate behavior.
So how does Hollywood depict breastfeeding? Generally as either a joke or as sexual imagery. Men are shown fantasizing as women nurse, or prostitutes encouraged to breastfeed for the novelty factor for their clients, or the act of breastfeeding is the opening to an affair. And then there are the jokes (such as the “Mannary Gland” in Meet the Fockers)- apt to our culture’s tendency to make light of whatever we are uncomfortable with or would rather not have to think about. And children’s movies seem to send the message that nursing is for animal babies and bottles are for humans – shaping perception of what is normal for years to come. There are of course a few films that contain positive and natural examples of breastfeeding, but they are (of course) mostly independent and foreign films. The typical American blockbuster sends the message loud and clear that breasts are sexual objects only – to be ogled, objectified, and joked about.
Unfortunately even women play along in this objectification and discomfort. I found it amusing recently that at the MOPS group I attend the women (in a room full of other women) either leave the room or cover up to breastfeed. Feeding our children must be hidden. And I am part of that. I use a nursing shawl in public because I really don’t want to deal with the crap (strange looks, requests to leave/cover-up) I get from complete strangers. But of course my cowardice to confront those who objectify me when I breastfeed only allows them to continue in that pattern.
So what do you think it will take for breastfeeding to be portrayed (and practiced) as “the norm” in America? Can breastfeeding be seen as natural and maternal, or is it impossible for our culture to see breasts as anything but sex objects?
julieclawson(at)gmail(dot)com 
“So what do you think it will take for breastfeeding to be portrayed (and practiced) as “the norm” in America”
Social exposure in the sense that more and more people grow up around adults who treat public breast-feeding as a completely normal part of daily life.
I must have been raised by a very liberal family on this issue, as we never questioned whether it was ok for a mother to breast-feed in front of other people. Breast-feeding was just part of including babies/toddlers at the family gathering (or in church or other social situations.)
I was well into my teens before I realized that not everyone thought this way.
“The response revealed the assumption that breasts are solely sexual (as opposed to maternal and nurturing) – an assumption deeply ingrained in our culture.”
This reminds me of a particularly funny conversation at our table last week. My eleven year old son was disturbed that milk came from what he perceived to be the bottom of a cow. I was explaining to him that the milk comes from an udder and it is underneath the cow so that the calf can drink. For some reason, he seemed perplexed by all of this.
My seventeen year old daughter grabbed her breasts and says, “That’s what our boobies are for … making milk!” To say he was shocked is an understatement … I forget that the younger two, being the younger, weren’t around my nursing babies all the time. We tried to point out that his oldest sister was giving milk to her son through her breasts and he just couldn’t take the information overload. It was quite funny.
I just love my daughters attitude and the seemingly good understanding that my sons have. i hope that we will be part of changing the cultural view of breasts and breast feeding.
Here in Canada — at least in our cities — it is not unusual to see a woman breastfeeding her baby in public. Women are usually discreet about it: facing away from people and using a shawl, as you do. They manage to make the act private without having to leave the room to do it, which seems to strike a reasonable balance.
Occasionally, I’ve seen a woman who is less discreet about it. I remember one woman walking through a mall, trying to place her baby on the breast as she walked. I certainly didn’t find it sexual; it just seemed unnecessarily awkward.
I’ve also seen women breastfeed on a bus, which necessarily puts them in close proximity to other passengers. Canadians understand that it would be rude to stare. If anyone has a problem with it, then it’s their problem — not the mother’s problem.
I understand that this is the norm in England, too, and presumably in continental Europe. Which is to say, the USA is exceptionally puritan in its attitude to breastfeeding. Yes, one day breastfeeding in public will be accepted without comment.
I passed the link to this post along to my wife since we bluntly think its absurd not to at least try to commit to breastfeeding regardless of what people think. But I’ll see what she thinks since she is the one who did it with two boys!
Here in Berkeley (call it Canada-lite) it’s very common to see women nursing their babies. In fact, the opposite prejudice exists sometimes. If you feed your baby a bottle while you’re out, it’s not unusual to get sneering looks or even a “well-meant” comment or two about the benefits of breastfeeding!
Another thing so many people don’t talk about is how difficult breastfeeding can be (says the man who’s never had to do it).
All that to say, I think you raise some really interesting things in this post. I’d never thought about a filmic or pop culture discourse of breastfeeding, but it’s definitely there.
Why can’t we all just be happy that babies are getting feed, any way possible?
Maybe the question is, why is breastfeeding in public such a problem in *this* country. For most of the world it’s as natural as can be. With so much of our advertising portraying breasts as a way to sell beer (and just about everything else) and the proliferation of porn which basically strips us down to mere body parts, it’s no wonder that feeding a baby in public is shocking – as if you are doing something wrong!
hehehe … I remember when I was nursing my children. I never could manage to use a blanket properly and my babies hated being covered up. So unless men were present, I stayed in the room. Once or twice someone would ask if I wouldn’t be more comfortable somewhere else, but I tend to be oblivious to those kinds of questions, so I’d just stay put. Other times, I’d look around and say something like, “Aren’t we all women here?” and everyone would just look at their feet.
Not that I was ever exposed anyway. Honestly … how much of a woman’s breast do you actually see when she’s properly nursing her baby? Unless you’re staring at her boob the whole time (which is RUDE) you don’t see anything. So I really don’t see what the fuss is about. I would not choose to breast feed in public often (certainly not on a bus if I could help it). But if it became necessary, you better believe I’d do it.
Most people need to grow up and get past themselves.
ellen – so true about other countries. It is America where everything is sexualized for the benefits of men. In other countries nudity in any form is more normal and just part of everyday life. I think our tendency to be uncomfortable with sexuality contributes to an unhealthy obsession with sex – leading to such objectifications of women.
unorthodoxology – I’m torn with the whole breast/bottle thing. Because of ongoing health issues from this pregnancy I have had to go on rounds of medication which mean I can’t breastfeed during that time. So Aidan has had many a bottle while I pump and dump (the most annoying and painful thing I have ever done). He still gets the occasional bottle, but I know it doesn’t give him the full nutrients he needs or the closeness he desires. I don’t judge women who use the bottle (formula), but I am annoyed by the economic and social structures that often force women to make that choice. When women aren’t given time at work to pump they are forced to turn to formula. And many lower income women culturally think they have no choice but to use formula. So lower income babies often don’t get the better nutrient rich food from breastmilk. My biggest problem is with the issues with companies like Nestle that sell formula in third world countries. They send representatives in dressed as nurses to tell women formula is better for their babies (so they can sell more formula). These women often can’t afford formula and water it down so the babies hardly get any nutrients. Or they mix it with unclean water causing the babies to sicken. Babies have died because of marketing ploys of such companies. it’s disturbing.
“It is America where everything is sexualized for the benefits of men.”
Things are sexualized in America for the benefit of men (or those trying to sell things to men), no doubt. But have you ever watched those “funniest commercials” or “Banned Commercials” shows or their like, where they show commercials from Euro countries or Australia or Central or South America or wherever that would never make it on American TV because of the exploitive sexuality they portray? If anything, those countries are a lot less PC about treating women as sex objects than we Americans are. They’re just straight out, matter of fact about it though they see more humor in it as well. As in “oh well, of course this is how it is so we might as well laugh at it.” Benny Hill, anyone? Page 3 Girls?
American residual prudishness skews things in weird ways and adds a taboo factor that doesn’t exist in most of those countries. I think breastfeeding is one of those areas where American prudishness yields weirdness and unnecessary discomfort about a natural function that doesn’t exist elsewhere in the world. But it isn’t like the men in Italy, Scandinavia, Germany, Spain, France, Latin America, Africa or wherever don’t ogle women and objectify them.
I knew this would be an interesting conversation.
If I can remember way back when, in a house full of toddlers, so many issues with bodily functions about which we are normally more discreet become a part of the routine of everyday life. I remember being surprised and relieved when I no longer knew and was involved in every person in the family going to the bathroom.
I think that is a factor in public breastfeeding. Sometimes other people are unaccustomed to and awkward with this natural, ordinary part of our lives. Some may have fond memories while others may have personal baggage contributing to their discomfort, who knows. Not that any of that is an excuse for intolerance, but perhaps a reminder to be understanding of others also.
My discretion was always a factor of my own modesty, not necessarily something imposed upon me by others. The reality is that breast-feeding involves exposing a part of my body that I wouldn’t normally expose in public, and so I breastfed in public to the degree that I was comfortable. Admittedly as the mother of a screaming hungry baby, how others felt about the act of feeding wasn’t always at the forefront of my thoughts.
When I breastfed twins, I didn’t even attempt to do it in public because of “double exposure”, although technically it could be argued that to do so is just a natural function. Is there a point where we say, that’s just too much?
I think even in a America there are different cultures of acceptance. It seems to me that in the rural midwest, people are pretty laid back (maybe the farming background contributes to that). I would suspect that cultures who consider themselves more “sophicticated” might look more askance at such “natural” functions.
I think that perhaps a relaxed, confident attitude about public feeding can sometimes help to further openness, especially if we can combine that with sincere consideration for others also.
I appreciate this quote: “The reality is that breast-feeding involves exposing a part of my body that I wouldn’t normally expose in public.”
Like it or not, bare breasts aren’t something we’re used to seeing in public. That being the case, it’s bound to cause some degree of awkwardness for those who feel uncomfortable seeing the exposed breasts of someone whose breasts they wouldn’t normally see. Julie, as you say, other countries where this isn’t as much of an issue are often countries where walking around topless isn’t an issue.
I know I risk being “the man” here and am willing to own this as my own hang-up, but I appreciate the discretion of covering up. I don’t like the idea of another man seeing my wife’s breasts and I’m uncomfortable seeing another woman’s. My penis was made for the natural function of peeing, but I don’t think there are any women that want me doing that in front of them.
I apologize if that comes off crass. It isn’t meant that way. I think breastfeeding is great and should be encouraged. I don’t think women should feel like they have to hide in a closet to do it. But I do appreciate those who cover up when doing it.
Just my two cents.
as a funny aside, emma has started “breastfeeding” her babydolls recently. ah the wonders of modeling…
Karl – very true that objectification isn’t limited to America… we’ve just warped it in really weird ways.
Grace/Kester – I think I come more from an attitude that thinks we should be more comfortable with seeing bodies in general… but I know that’s a whole different issue.
Like I said, I generally nurse according to the comfort of others around me. I would just rather avoid the weirdness of confrontation. That said there are places that I avoid therefore because I nurse. If I can’t nurse in church or at some sort of gathering I hear loud and clear that I am not wanted there and really have no interest in being part of that group. I’ve been at church gatherings/events where I was expected to nurse in my car (in 90+ degree weather) or attempt to nurse hidden away in a toilet stall. I’m sorry but that is the most unwelcoming crap ever – not interested.
I’ll use the shawl – but honestly it’s hard enough to nurse a baby with just one hand. doing it under a shawl is just about the most awkward thing imaginable. it kinda bugs me that I and the baby have to be really uncomfortable doing something the way we were created to feed kids just so the men around me conditioned by the culture to perceive breasts as merely sex objects can be comfortable.
My son was lucky that my wife was able to breastfeed for the first 8-months of his life, but as a stay-at-home dad it was a well-worth it inconvenience. I think he benefitted from it and so did she. But,it also required me to drive a half-hour (1 hour round trip) to her work place (lucky enough to get the time, I know!) for her lunch break so he could feed, since we could never get enough pumped to last throughout the day.
And, it also meant, since I was using frozen milk, that I couldn’t be gone from the house for more than 2 hours at a time (because he was finicky about temperature and the whole melting, spoiling thing).
So, when we augmented with formula/bottles at around 8 months, suddenly we were able to do many more things — like playgroups at the park.
Like most stuff, it’s good and bad. Not all one way or the other, to me. But then again, I’m a dude.
Let me clarify, though. I think breastfeeding should be encouraged and advocated for, but honestly. My wife was floored to find out how difficult it was while all the b/f books say it’s this wonderful experience when sometimes, it’s really not for some women!
That said, it *is* the best thing for kids, and accommodations should be made for working moms and moms on the go. That stuff is expensive, too, so lower-income folks relying on it because they don’t have time/accommodations to pump get hit twice in a lot of ways. But, I’m not ready to rail against formula companies because their products do serve a purpose at times, too. (We don’t use Nestle, thankfully, after hearing that story. Good lord!)
I just get irked when folks who don’t know someone’s situation come up and say things like, “Well, you know, it’s not good to feed babies formula/bottles” without knowing the situation. It’s the same as some evangelical coming up to me and asking my how my “walk with the Lord” is. (I reply, “Kinda gimpy.”)
I can only imagine how frustrating pumping and dumping must be, though! I remember pumped milk being treated like solid gold in our house. I wish you the best of luck!
Laurel D. referred me to your blog. Great BFing post. I’m one of those nutty weirdos who BFed my toddler. I weaned her a few months ago when she was 29+ months old. I have a 6-month-old baby boy, so I did the whole tandem thing, for about 3 months.
It’s bedtime so I won’t stand on my soapbox about in-public breastfeeding, though I feel strongly about the need for breasts to be seen as something other than sexual objects, and I hope I’m helping with that a bit by nursing in public. (Okay, I guess I did climb on the soapbox, but only for half a second.) What I WILL say is that breastfeeding has increased my confidence as a woman. I appreciate my body in a way I never did before. I feel amazing for being able to give nourishment to my children in this way.
I didn’t know I’d be one of “those” moms; I didn’t know I’d end up nursing a toddler. But it was an important part of my relationship with her, and I will always treasure that.
Julie,
My answer to your initial question is both/and. Breasts are sexual and breastfeeding is natural. Because of that we experience the tension of breastfeeding in public.
I hope we will continue to see greater maturity concerning the natural function of breastfeeding so that the comfort of mother and child is prioritized. The fact that breasts are also sexual should not be an excuse for confining breastfeeding mothers to the broom closet.
I am with Sonja…I mean in a group of women, what’s the problem? (in a small group I went to just last night, a gal had spilled something on her shirt which meant she had used soap and water to get it off leaving a wet spot in exactly the same location a milk spot would be..she cracked a joke about it and said, hey, we’re all girls here) With men around or out in public, really, I think it is about courtesy. Its not about being “oppressed”, its about manners.
OTOH…I had to bottlefeed my first child and I could not believe the rudeness of strangers who felt that they had the right to grill me to see if I had an acceptable reason for feeding my baby “poison”.
Lastly, ironic you blogged about this today. Get a load of:this. And no, I couldn’t resist the urge to post it on my blog and have some fun with it. Ya gotta laugh sometimes.
Julie-
I hope you didn’t hear me advocating for the parking lot or the bathroom stall. Just the cover up. As far as the process being natural v. breasts being sexual, I agree with Grace, it is both/and. Again, my previous point about a penis or vagina. They are sexual organs and also used for the natural process of “waste management”. Doesn’t mean I won’t let people go to the bathroom or have sex in my house. I just expect them to close the door, either way.
kester – no not at all. just ranting about attitudes i’ve encountered…
Thanks for your post Julie. A few years ago our local paper had an article about the L&D unit at the hospital with a photo of a woman breastfeeding her newborn. It was a very discreet photo and only a tiny sliver of her breast was visible. But one of my male co-workers could not stop going on in shock and horror that they would put something like that in the paper. This was a guy known to frequent strip clubs.
Part of the frustrating irony for me is that frankly, we see plenty of breasts in our culture. It seems to be just fine for women to show any amount breast if their intention is sexual, but must go to extreme lengths to keep any portion of their breasts from showing when they are simply feeding their babies. The “Hooter Hider” is now considered a normal registry item. It seems that our modesty and puritanical views as a nation are manifested very selectively.
Such a great discussion. Karlene, you make a great point that it is fine for women to show skin if it is intended to be sexual. Frankly, I am surprised to hear that people expect you to cover up. I love seeing a woman nursing. It is a beautiful part of creation. I’m not sure I understand where the need for discretion comes from. I’m guessing it comes from the over sexualization of women in our country. Interesting perspectives- we lived in the Bay Area for 10 years and everyone nursed in public. I’m guessing some of this is regional.
Julie,
Great discussion!
My lovely and brilliant wife Megsie had to seriously adjust when we gave birth to our first daughter here in the U.S. Megs is from, and grew up in, Australia, where people are just not as … stupid about female breasts. At first she tried the whole cover up with a blanket or shawl or what have you–but it was just too difficult. Finally she kind of chucked that idea, and basically fed E when and where she needed to. She totally had to stand up for herself a couple times. (rock on, Megs!) I remember during that time there was this home group at a church we were starting to attend that was like “Well, you couldn’t really feed her during our meetings.” So we had to say “Well, I guess your meeting is going to have to make do without us.”
It’s *so* totally sexist, in my opinion, that woman are legally required to keep their breasts covered, but guys can totally go around shirtless. It totally reflects the massively sexist, male-dominated society that we live in.
This last summer at the beach I was noticing for the first time that all the very little girls have bikini tops on, and wondering what exactly that is all about. There is absolutely no physical difference between male and female breasts before puberty. So why do little 5 and 6 year old girls have to wear a bikini top, while little five and six year old boys can wear just shorts? The reason I was noticing was because my two young daughters would be totally happy to go swimming topless, and I don’t get why they can’t. (well, actually, they’d be totally happy to go swimming nude, and to be perfectly honest I don’t really understand why small children have to wear swimsuits at all. But that’s a whole nother story.)
Kester,
Did you seriously say that you exposing your penis while peeing is comparable to a mom exposing her breasts while feeding her child?
My friend and pastor John Ramey says that a mother breastfeeding is one of the most perfect pictures we have of what our relationship with God is meant to be like. I don’t think a man pissing is anywhere in the same league. Sorry.
That’s my 12 cents worth.
Oh, here’s a really great resource: http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/pdf/BF_guide_9.pdf
Benjamin – great points. And technically women are legally protected to breastfeed in every state. Some states have anti-discrimination laws to protect breastfeeding. And in most states it is legal for women to expose her breasts – breastfeeding or not. It is just cultural mores that stand in the way.
Ben-
I don’t think peeing is the same as breastfeeding, I think it’s just as natural as breastfeeding. And while peeing may not be a comparable metaphor for the parent/child (God/human) relationship, sex would be as comparable a metaphor for the groom/bride (Christ/church) and I wouldn’t want that done in public either.
Breast feeding is WONDERFUL! Good for babies, good for mothers, good for the world.
Bear in mind, those of you who don’t feel comfortable with breast feeding in public
- it’s OK not to feel comfortable, but that’s your issue, and something for you to deal with rather than require others to deal with – similar to lust, and men blaming women for their own lust, which is their own responsibility
- Usually there’s only a brief moment when the breast is exposed, at the start of the feed, and then the breast is happily in baby’s mouth
- tension and shame for the mother can mess up her let-down reflex and thus mess up the feed and thus create a baby and mother who are distressed; that’s a lot of pressure to put on other people because as an onlooker you feel uncomfortable.
Happy breast-feeding world!!!!!!
Benjamin – I’d add that many feminist theologians see breastfeeding as a metaphor for understanding the eucharist. “this is my body you eat” takes on a whole new meaning within that understanding.
I’m a little late in the conversation, but this is something I totally agree with and I breastfeed in public whenever it’s necessary. Even with a 6 week old I never used a shawl or anything and for the most part no one truly noticed and/or commented on what I was doing. In fact, especially at church I would have people walk up to me and start conversations with me while I was nursing and in the middle of the conversation they would get an embarassed look and say something like “I didn’t know you were feeding the baby. I’ll come back later”.
I agree with grace too that with a toddler most bodily functions are a whole lot less private then they might be at other times.
I think we really start running into problems when we describe something as sexual only if it makes you think about sex. I’ve even seen some evanglical resources that say sexuality should only be expressed in the context of marriage. Sexuality is a part of everything we are – just like we can’t define spirituality as only what we do at church.
I think the media may start to follow the trends of people…if more people see more mothers breastfeeding then it’ll start being “normal” enough that it’ll be portrayed that way in movies.
I totally agree that breast feeding shoule be excepted in all it’s forms. i myself have had a hard time with breastfeeding in plublic. In fact i have a hard time breastfeeding around my husband’s family. his btother in preticular made me feel so uncomfortable that i can’t even imagon doing so again. he made a comment to my husband with me in the room “that he didn’t like the way i was always wipping out my breasts for him to see.” the way he said this was like i had used the baby as an excuse to show him my breasts.
i still nurse and i’m having a hard time finding people other then my family who understand why a child who will be three in januarry needs to nurse even if it’s just at bedtime. i hope there is someone else out there that is truly doing this and is’t not just me.
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