Adventures in Gender Roles
I've had some interesting encounters in the realm of gender roles in the last few days. It's just been amusing what assumptions are being made depending on the crowd I am with.
The issue first arose last week when Emma got together to play with her pseudo-cousin Juan (he's my sister-in-law's half brother who is exactly Emma's age and the closest thing she has to a cousin…). The idea was to have them splash around in the wading pool. Well Juan immediately found a toy football and started a game of trying to throw it into the pool. Emma got a baby doll and gave it a bath. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry – so I settled for being happy that my toddler was having fun.
Then at Mike's orientation at Austin Presbyterian Seminary we had an interesting conversation with the other students about the role of women in the school. One student had attended an all girls college and was getting used to having men in her classes again. Others went to more evangelical schools where women in bible/theology classes were rare if allowed at all. Others from mainline backgrounds were shocked at how weird our experiences of inequality were. So I think it will be very refreshing to be in a context where gender equality is assumed and not still an issue to be debated.
But on the opposite end of the equality spectrum I had some very strange conversations with some friends of my mom's at a gathering recently. I was doing the whole chit-chat thing answering questioning about my life and mentioned that I was working on a book. In multiple separate conversations the first response to that fact was – "oh, you're writing a women's Bible study." When I tried to explain that I was writing a book not just a study the follow up response was – "so what age group of women is it targeted to." The exact same response in separate conversations. At first I was really confused. Then it hit me that in these women's world a woman can only write things for other women. Since in their theology women can't teach men anything a woman writes must obviously be only for women. They literally couldn't understand how I could be writing something men would ever read. Needless to say, it made the conversation slightly awkward. But starting a theological argument while I was standing around in a party dress and heels sipping mimosas just seemed a bit too weird, so I just smiled and changed the subject.
So I'm working on figuring out where I belong down here…
julieclawson(at)gmail(dot)com 
My wife had a similar experience with a mom's group at Princeton Seminary when I was there. There was a group of moms who really had this strange idealism of what a "pastor's wife" should be. When my wife heard that a good pastor's wife needs to do things like sew and cook she decided that was not the group for her! She is and always has been a tomboy trying to find her inner girliness and that view of women was totally offensive to her.
I think you will find your place in the Body of Christ hard to reconcile with that of he culture of where you are. However, there are women who are feeling the same thing somewhere. My wife found a few like-minded women on Cafe Mom of all places and has made some good connections through it with other women who reject any notion that man is the head of anything by default.
One last thing, you might find her post on being a seminary wife funny since it flies in the face of the expectations of gender roles that you are feeling in the lone star state! Although she is responding to something a bit different, it fits the gender thing here… http://identitymixed.blogspot.com/2008/07/dear-seminary-spouse.html
navigating gender stereotypes – oy
doing it in faith-related settings – oy oy
there was some adjustment for us when we moved back home, after being in the bay area for 10 years – it was odd how much of the male/he god stuff is so deeply rooted
so glad to have you here – prayers all around ya'll as you sort out transitions
i'm a dude.
can i read your blog? or will i get stoned?
Been there. Said too much. Was told I would be prayed for, even by strangers who recognized me on campus as the one who questioned the gender roles. But you'll find kindred spirits there somewhere! (I found some and we met in secret at midnight after the correct password was given.)
You belong. That attitude toward women (that of the women in your mother's circle) is not a Texas thing. Texas has plenty of liberals, and you're squarely situated in the middle of them, there in Austin.
I live in Austin and work at a downtown church. I have never experienced the kind of discrimination you're describing.
Just know there are plenty of us 30-ish, progressive, faithful moms around. We have a moms group, too. You're always welcome.