Up/rooted and the Other
Do you ever have one of those moments when you really don’t know what to say or do? I just got back from up/rooted, our local Emergent cohort where I had one of those moments. We had some good conversations tonight which I may blog about later when I’m more awake, but it was the very start of the evening that created this awkward moment of self-doubt and paralysis of action. We were meeting tonight at a pizza place in Wheaton and had reserved their patio/party room like we have done before. As the leaders and first to arrive, the manager asked us if we would like to see if the room was okay before we were seated. Since we’d met there before we told him to just seat us. As we walked into the room he mentioned that he would turn the heat on in the room for us. I just assumed the room was empty when he said that, but as we walked in I saw there there was a homeless guy in there eating a pizza. I have no clue if it was a free meal or if he was a “paying customer,” but I was appalled that on this bitterly cold night he would be stuck on the unheated patio (and that we were essentially asked if we were willing to be in the same room as him). Apparently turning on the heat for a book discussion group is okay, but not for the homeless man.
So I felt awkward. Here a group of well-dressed, well-fed, and “deserving” of heat Christians come in to discuss the justice issues in McLaren’s Everything Must Change and immediately we are faced with the realities of poverty and prejudice. So what, if anything, do we do? Do we make a scene about his treatment? Do we offer to help the homeless guy (who I have encountered before) or would that be condescending (in the “hey look, you’re homeless! Can we pity you or have you be the token poor for our group?” sort of way)? Or do we treat him like we would any other “regular” customer in the restaurant and ignore him? We ended up doing that latter and just not engaging him. He left shortly after we got started, but it was a strange moment wondering about the best course of action. And it was odd realizing that even in attempting to determine how best to treat him with dignity and respect I was labeling him as “other” and not treating him with the same anonymous respect I would give anyone else. Perhaps the answer is that I should be more aware of how I interact with everyone. I don’t know. It just set an interesting mental stage for the evening.
julieclawson(at)gmail(dot)com 
I don’t know. Buy him a gift card to the pizza place. Ask him over for dinner.
Not sure…depends on his demeanor. Not all homeless folks are the same, as I learned in my few years in LA.
Cheers.
“whatever you did to the least of these, you did to Me”
…Sure, I’ll let you in, but not in the warm rooms where paying customers might see you – you might upset them and be bad for business. The cold room by yourself is ok. I mean it’s way warmer in that cold out of the way room then outside….
I can give you my “worst” because it’s better than you will ever have, and you will be grateful and my guilt will be assuaged….
I felt the same way, Julie. It was very awkward…
Several of us from around the blogsphere are reading “Everything Must Change” together and discussing our thoughts. We’ve just begun, but we’ve set it up in a way where it’s never to late to participate.
If you have any interest, you can visit us at:
http://readingforchange.wordpress.com
Maybe the next time (if there is one) you could explain why you’re invading his space and ask him if he’d like to join the discussion.–Easy for me to say when my adrenaline isn’t pumping and I haven’t been taken off guard. I personally live with a lot of “Next time I’ll…” and am really glad when I get them. And Karen–I hope I know exactly what to do and how to do it correctly if I’m ever in your presence. Perhaps the “homeless” man asked to be alone. Perhaps he left after the book group arrived because people made him nervous. Maybe not turning on the heat was truly an oversight. Or maybe the host-person hasn’t had a lot of experience and is a work in progress like the rest of us.
I guess some of the question I had were – would I treat any other customer in a restaurant like this? Would I approach any random stranger and ask them to join us or ask them if they needed anything or if it was okay if I ate in the same restaurant as them? There is a difference when you encounter someone begging and asking something of you and when you encounter someone you don’t except in a situation like this. maybe.
Not being there it’s way easy for me to judge. Sorry. I pictured a smallish room and sort of needing to go out of the way not to notice him (one guy in a room that a group enters and not just to eat but for an activity). I can see where I would not say anything to someone in that situation especially if the area was larger and the assumption was that everyone had read/studied the material.
Thank you for this blog and for the emerging women’s blog. I’ve been challenged and blessed by both.
I just did a funeral service for a woman who first came to our church about a dozen years ago as a single mother in dire straits (practically homeless). She was welcomed in and cared for not as a charity case, but as a sister in Christ.
At our best, the Church can be a safe place where people falling through the cracks can find their way home.
I hate moments like this – I hate when you can’t think straight – and mostly when your kids are there with a million questions. We had a man come up to our car once and was literally trying to open the doors. He was homeless and my kids with compassion saw desperation in his eyes where I only saw a “desperate man” trying to get into the car. It took me totally off guard – and was one of those heart stopping moments I will never forget.
I can confess freely that I NEVER know what to do in these situations.
Those kinds of moments happen now and again. In the middle of talking about the work of God, the work of God walks in and lets his or her presence bear witness to our lack of activity.