You Know What They Say About Assumptions…
A bit of a weekend rant to follow.
I hate being pigeonholed. I hate people making assumptions about me because of their preconceived stereotypes about certain sorts of people. I’m sure I fit some stereotypes from time to time, there are reasons why stereotypes exist in the first place. But pigeonholing assumes a dichotomous black and white world that is often far from the way things actually are.
Molly over at Adventures in Mercy had a good post this past week on this very issue. She writes on the fallacy of assuming that there exist only two choices in any situation – one “obviously” right and the other depraved and wrong. Such dichotomous choices she finds dangerous include -
There are only two choices: You can either be a submissive wife and have a happy marriage, or you can be a conniving rebellious domineering woman and make your marriage miserable.
There are only two choices: You can either spank your children, rewarding every infraction with swift clear punishment, which we say will produce “godly seed,” or you can not spank and have sniveling brats who run into streets and throw tantrums every five seconds and will grow up to bomb schools and have fifteen illegitimate children before they run straight to the fires of hell.
There are only two choices: You can believe my denomination/group’s theological view (plainly taught by the Bible) and thus be a real Christian and please the Lord, or you can not subscribe to our particular theological view (er, do you even read the Bible?) and be a second-class Christian (if you’re saved at all, that is), and be outside the pale of God’s approval.
These black and white choices impose assumptions and stereotypes upon people and fail to actually become conversant with what a person truly believes. Such assumptions make it easy to dismiss people without engagement and to ridicule/destroy them instead of love them. And I admit to being guilty of falling into this trap from time to time which I need to work to overcome. But I still get fairly annoyed when I encounter such attitudes towards myself. To Molly’s list, I would add the following dangerous assumptions that annoy me -
- Being told that the only reason a person would vote for Obama is because we are young and don’t understand politics.
- Being told that voting for a Democrat means we are pro-baby killing.
- Being told that I ascribe to entire schools of theology if I happen to read a book by an author who does
- Being told that I don’t care about Jesus if I insist on serving people physically and emotionally and not forcing them to say “the prayer”.
- Being told that I am throwing out the Bible if I think women should ever have a voice.
- Being told that I don’t care for the environment or sustainability because I am having children
- Being told that I am rebellious and ungrateful because I strayed from the church tradition my parents raised me in.
I am sick of these assumptions and sick of the dichotomous thinking they betray. I am sick of being dismissed and rejected because of what others think they know about me. Reality is more complex than this.
julieclawson(at)gmail(dot)com 
Interestingly enough Jesus resisted being pigeonholed by relentlessly defining himself. He was misunderstood by those both near to him and those who had no idea who he was. Self-definition is hard work but it is the essential work if we are going to be able to function the way we need to.
Don’t allow those around to do the defining, that is your right and privliege. If others cannot let that happen, let them go. Ironically the more self-defined we become the less anxious we become because of others.
Might I add, “Being told that, because you’re young, you’re called to youth ministry.”
And, “Being told your wife is slacking by not only letting you cook, but by somehow depriving you of meat by her vegetarianism.”
http://adamcopeland.wordpress.com
spot on julie. i also struggle with these people who want to force cram you into 1 of only 2 options. and then when you try to articulate your “3rd” view, they get pissed. and then i get a big head and think i’m a thousand times smarter because i actually try to understand and be informed about the issues. it really bothers me these opinionated people who have never read a book or an article or had a conversation with any of these issues.
Kent – your comments intrigued me. In many ways I would say I am less self-defined these days. Or at least less certain and dogmatic. But at the same time more introspective and self-aware. Which is perhaps what you are saying anyway.
Adam – good additions.
Josh – so true about getting a big head about the third way. I am guilty of that all the time. I’m still learning how to introduce alternate concepts into a conversation without being rude.
While I share your (and Molly’s)disdain for assumptions people make about us. I also think we sometimes make assumptions that more people are making assumptions about us than actually are.
I think you are hitting on an unfortunate but near universal human tendency. Subgroups, cultures and nations stereotype and make assumptions about other subgroups, cultures and nations. It is nearly as old as humanity, not simply a fault of the American right (or left) wing. We all tend to do it to one another unless we make a great effort (or have been taught well) to do otherwise.
Hey Julie-
I’m new to your blog. I think your annoying assumptions are some of the same things that annoy me too. I am interested to see how this election plays out and in turn, how it will effect how the churches chooses to voice itself.
Sorry it has taken mwe a while to get back to you, but you are right. Being self-aware is what I was working toward, but it goes even beyond that. It means that you know you are and you are the one who makes that determination. You know what you passions are and what your political stances for example, you do not allow others to box you into their pre-conceptions. You don’t cut them off, but you determine what you think and what you believe.
You know, it’s even worse in the blog world. We look at a single post from a person and think we have them “all figured out”. We look at Godly people and think “they must be more spiritual than me”. We need to remember that we don’t always know everything and nt to assume is great advice. Good post.
It is hard to be a complex thinker in our world. I was always the boy who thought a little bit too much. Julie, you will spend your life with these frustrations. We all will. I’ve come to a place of understanding the inevitability of simplistic categories in a culture like ours.
So I just refuse to participate. But yeah, these things are maddening.